Dear Guy,

I have a spouse who likes to play dress up when we, you know. Although I am a pretty open-minded woman, I almost never feel anything but really stupid when he wants to dress me up. I realize there are couples who get together and enjoy this sort of thing, but I just have issues with the whole "role playing" thing. It's not that I think it's perverted. I just think it's stupid.

 Like I said, I'm open-minded. But I gave up imaginary play on this level when I was, oh, I don't knowŠ.12 or so! I have tolerated his dressing me in outfits that fit his fantasies, and hated it the whole time.

Even worse than his dressing me up, is when it's the other way around. It is all I can do not to laugh my head off when he walks into the bedroom dressed like a cop or a cowboy. How can he think this turns me on? All I see is a pasty white guy in spurs and a cowboy hat, standing at the foot of the bed, with his belly hanging over his gun belt. (CAP guns, no less.) It doesn't make me feel like he's the man. It makes me feel like I'm robbing the cradleŠin the bad sense.       

I can't take it any more. He says I need to learn to be more playful. I say a grown man pretending to be the cable guy has issues with mommy. Am I being a stick in the mud?? Am I the only one who thinks this is weird? How did I end up married to Peter Pan?

Signed,
Not Wendy


Dear Not Wendy,

Forgive me as I take a minute to wash the mental image of the spur thing out of the ol' grey matter. 

Judging from your letter, you have been the kind of wife who has tried to encourage open communication and acceptance in your relationship. Any normal male would be thrilled to have a wife that is willing to try new things with him, in the bedroom or otherwise. You have obviously done well in encouraging him to express his sensuality in the way that he enjoys most. In doing so, he has fun with you, and he feels closer to you because of it.

However, somewhere along the line, your open communication stopped, and you allowed two things to happen: You allowed him to dominate bedtime play, and you failed to be open with him about limitations. It's likely that he would be unhappy on both counts.

Defining limitations (or failure to do so) can make or break a relationship. I'm gong to be blunt: He needs to know if you aren't enjoying this. He needs to know where the line is.
Let's face it: any guy will cross a line if he doesn't know it's there. We don't mean to, necessarily, but odds are if we don't know it's there, we're going to trip over it at some point.

As a normal healthy male who believes he is keeping the spice in the relationship, (however strangely), he is being treated unfairly by a wife who will not impart her distaste for the whole adventure.  Even worse, he's been allowed, and even passively encouraged, to continue in an approach that would be humiliating if not shared with a willing partner.

I once heard a local radio host doing a sex show about sharing fantasies. She said that "what goes on between two consenting adults is pure bliss. What goes on between a consenting adult and the one that says "I guess"Šis just embarrassing".

the rest of your letter I'm guessing you really love this guy. Find other means of showing your adventurous side. Utilize the God given female talent for the fine art of distraction, and gently guide him into more useful endeavors. Be spontaneous in and out of intimate settings, and don't crush him with your disdain for what he's been doing all of these years.

After a time, you can relegate his costumes to your secret pile of outgoing junk: right along side the bowling trophies, Jackie Chan posters, and his lucky sweatshirt.

-Guy



Dear Guy,

How do you get girls to like you?

Signed,
Curious

Dear Curious,

I pay them double.

-Signed,
Guy