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That One Guy 627
From Issue 627 (Published December 07th, 2006)
Written By That One Guy
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Dear Guy,

Is it true that women think sexuality is not fair? My brother's girlfriend said she thinks that women got the raw deal where sensitivity and drive are concerned. Can she ACTUALLY think that? I can't see why women think it's so unfair when they obviously have so much control over whether or not there is even going to BE any sex! I say that WOMEN make every rule and we have to follow them like dogs! Get me out of this one!

-The Brother in Law

Dear Bro,

Interesting analogy. In fact, there is a study on tumescence that points to exactly that sort of thing. The theory goes that every man and woman is sexually cyclical in nature, and that their behaviors run in fairly predictable patterns. It also brings forth the idea that men are highly sensitive to the woman's ebb and flow of desire on an instinctive level. Much like poor Old Yeller, they just can't help themselves and tend to preen, prance, and otherwise do anything possible to garner the attention of the woman at her peak. Does this give the woman the upper hand? Who's to say?

I think you are arguing apples and oranges. The point she is making, if I'm getting this right, is that men can get the motor runnin' much more quickly than women. In fact, 5 times more quickly. On a statistical basis, she's right.
Your argument seems to lie in the courting phase, wherein the woman, it would seem, does have a great deal of control on an emotional and even biological level. She can wait. By golly, as all of us know, she can wait until the cows come home before she has to act on an intimate impulse. There is not a single guy out there who doesn't know that.

While men face performance pressure and the inevitable challenge of timing, women have to hyper focus to bring about the Big Bang. The Moment, if you will. This takes a lot of time and mental preparation. Perhaps the "rules" you reference are a means of keeping that focus. In any event, I think you lost the argument. If your dispute is simply over who gets the better deal in the sack, from a time mental effort perspective, you lost the bet. Physically speaking, it's easier for men to get there than women, and yes, men ARE more physically sensitive in those areas.

As to whether or not most women think of sexuality as unfair? A blanket statement I'm sure. (If you'll pardon the inference.)

-Guy

Dear Guy:

Thought you might be able to share this with your readers. It answers some common questions

Signed,
-Funny Guy

Dear Funny,

Absolutely! Read on:

How do you know if it's love, lust, or marriage?

Love: When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust: When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage: When your belt won't meet across your waist: and you don't care.

Love: When intercourse is called "Making Love".
Lust: All other times.
Marriage: What's intercourse?

Love: When you share everything you own.
Lust: When you're willing to share her cab fare home.
Marriage: When the bank owns everything.

Love: When it doesn't matter if you have "The Big One"
Lust: When it's all ABOUT "The Big One".
Marriage: What's "The Big One?"

Love: When you write poems for your partner.
Lust: When all you write is your phone number.
Marriage: When all you write is checks.

Love: When nobody else matters.
Lust: When nobody else knows.
Marriage: When nothing matters and you don't care who knows.

Love: When you avoid confrontation.
Lust: When you avoid the wet spot.
Marriage: When you avoid seeing one another completely.

Dear Guy:
Do I have to act like I love foreplay? I have never been a very foreplay oriented person, and I'm telling you there's gotta be a woman out there who likes this "business" just for the "business" end of it alone. Could you call your readers out and take a poll?

Signed,
-All Biz

Dear Biz,

OF COURSE there are women who are in it for that very reason. Work some overtime, spend a few bucks, and she's all yours.

-Guy

Dear Guy,

I have a theory that women think that seeing men eating is sexy. That's why they always want to cook for us. Ya' think?
-Chubs

Dear Chubs,

Wouldn't that be a little slice of heaven?

-Guy

                                       
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