Dear Guy,

I'm gonna say this straight out: I'm a 32-year-old virgin woman. It's not that I am at all unattractive. It's not that I am not interested in it. I just have not met the right person. I have no experience AT ALL.

Nobody knows this about me, and I am always bugged 'cause people just assume, 'cause I am sort of attractive, that I have had a lot of partners. I don't say anything about it because it's not their business. But now I have a really big problem. I have been seeing a guy for a year that I really love, and I am ready.

Thing is, he has never pushed it and so we have never talked about it. How do I tell him this? He is going to think I'm weird, and I don't want to go through explaining it.

What's your advice?

-32 Years and Counting
City of origin withheld

Dear 32,

Do you have ANY idea how many emails I am going to get from men wanting to know where you're writing from?

Look, odds are he's been wondering why you haven't been intimate. He is likely assuming that you will tell him the reasons in your own good time, which you don't seem ready to do. You have said you're ready for the act itself, but you seem to want to do so without explanation. That isn't likely to be a realistic expectation.

First, your inexperience will be evident. You're likely to have some apprehension about it. Wouldn't you want him to help you work through this? It's not a bad thing, but it's a little hard to hide. Second, you may not find the first time as enjoyable as you related you hoped it would be in the rest of your letter. It's an invasive process, if you will, and it takes time for the body to adjust to it. A gentle and patient approach on his behalf will make the difference.

Additionally, it is only right that he realize the level of commitment that you are making to him. If you waited this long because you have not felt close enough to other men you have dated, he should know that this is a very big deal to you. It sounds like he's a pretty good guy who has plenty of other things to like about you to keep him coming back. This may be another aspect of you that he respects and is willing to take seriously.

Finally, let's not ignore the Guy Factor: You have been repressing yourself sexually for many years. He's not going to shrink back in horror. He is going to drop to his knees and thank the powers that be that you're not only someone he obviously feels close to, but that you have nobody to compare him to, that you are going to love the hell out of almost anything he shows you, and you are going to unleash with a magnitude that will make Hurricane Katrina look like a love tap.

You underestimate how much abstinence can make the heart grow fonder.

Clue him in, pick a nice night, crack a bottle of wine and enjoy your new lease on life.

And remember: practice makes perfect.

-Guy


Guy,

I'm a guy in his mid twenties. I just started having a problem. I have a girlfriend that I am crazy about, but we live far apart. When I got to see her, it was really a great roll. Sometimes it's a long time before we get together and I sometimes have to "handle things myself". Here's the problem: I can get to the end of the process, but I don't feel a thing. Nothing! I'm firing the gun, but I'm not feeling it. It's happening, but there is no "moment" going on. What's wrong?

-Firing a Silencer
Chesaning

Dear Silencer:

How do I print this without getting letters from the religious right?
Well hell. I'll answer their questions too.

Look, it's like this:
There is a distinct difference between firing the gun, and having an ecstatic moment. In pure, scientific speak: they are two distinctly separate issues.

I have received letters from men explaining the same thing in different degrees: describing mini-shots and mega shots and, as in your case, the silenced shots. Take me seriously when I say that ANY time you have a loss of sensation anywhere in the body, you should check with your doctor. This is common sense. Otherwise, it may just be that you're missing your gal, and that has taken some of the fun out of handling matters yourself.
Understanding that there is a difference in the way your body functions during both will help you sort it out until you can get a professional assessment. Make sure that you DO see the doctor, and make sure he gets a complete medical history on you, right down to that embarrassing trip to the clinic. If he has all of the information, he can tell you what sort of treatment options are going to be effective.

-Guy

Dear Guy,

Medical Question about cold sores and other stuff. Is herpes the same in both locations, and can they switch places? I get cold sores all the time, and I don't want to contaminate anyone.

-Saginaw Gal

Dear Gal,

I'm not a doctor. He/She can advise you. But I can relate a few schools of thought:
Various strains of the virus tend to like to live where they're born. Ocular herpes, or herpes of the eye, can be transmitted to the eye from the mouth. Each of the strains can be found in other locations. But in general terms, cold sores around the mouth are generally an innocuous nuisance and have been the bane of mankind for eons. Grandmas have them, priests have them, nuns get them, and little kids get them. They do not indicate direct contact with affected regions from other parts of the body. They do not bear any reflection on hygienic habits or a person's overall health. It was only recently that cold sores have even been linked to herpes. Some doctors theorize it may be a latent and form of a virus relative to chicken pox, as is the case with Shingles.

If you have a problem with them, cut back on acidic foods (this includes sodas, especially, for some reason, colas!) and try to prevent your lips and mouth from the elements. Sunburn, windburn, dry skin and even getting a bad cold, wherein you blow your nose a lot and make the area tender, can trigger them. A suppressed immune system can trigger them. Everyone knows that they love stress, so try to relax. Though there are plenty of medications available to speed the process, but they are viral in nature: which means they can't be cured with antibiotic creams or ointments. They have to run their course, which is usually 5-7 days from start to finish.

Finally, as is always the case with anything contagious, don't make contact with affected areas until you are completely healed. Research has shown that adults affected by cold sores were likely infected as children by unwitting adults. Don't kiss any kids for a week, keep your lips to yourself in other regards, and you should be fine.

-Guy